Can you maintain a positive outlook in the face of conflict and find a winning solution in a no win situation? Conflict can appear in many places in our lives, including when dealing with romantic partners, coworkers, friends, family and even the local store clerk. Facing conflict can be extremely challenging and stressful whether it is … Continue reading Gaining a new perspective on handling conflict: Overcoming no win situations
Jayme Albin, Ph. D – Psychologist and Expert in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, offering therapy New York NY discusses rumination techniques and Cognitive Therapy. Often times people will over think themselves into maintaining or causing a state of depression. This is because when we feel feel sad or worried our brain wants to explore the “why” and as … Continue reading Are you thinking yourself into depression?
There is no doubt that technology has changed the way we communicate and manage relationships. To name a few changes… Facebook has reduced the need to ask people how their day is going and share daily updates personally, online dating has reduced the need for people to approach possible mates in person, and emailing and … Continue reading Is texting ruining your relationships?- Tips from The Cognitive Behavioral Therapist of New York, Dr. Albin
Cognitive behavior therapy is a form of therapy that focuses on the relationship between thoughts, behaviors and feelings. It is one of the few forms of psychotherapy that has been scientifically researched and found to be effective in hundreds of clinical trials for many different disorders. CBT is more focused on the present, more time-limited, and problem-solving and goal oriented. During sessions clients learn specific skills that they can use for the rest of their lives. These skills involve identifying distorted thinking, modifying beliefs, relating to others in different ways, and changing behaviors.
If you are quick to react with defensiveness in your relationship then check out some basic communication strategies of improving both romantic and workplace relationships.
Being assertive is the most effective way to communicate our feelings and opinions especially when we don’t necessarily agree with others around us. However, it is also one of the most difficult communication styles to achieve partially because when we become aroused (excited, angry or anxious) we are less likely to use conscious thought and be conscientious in our approach…we are more likely to bark out commands or become defensive in our tone. The second reason why being assertive is often neglected is because of lack of practice. When we practice a new skill we create new mental habits and therefore improve the likelihood we will call upon it during times of distress.
Here are 7 simple, but highly effective strategies to use when you are looking to make a request from another and voice a different or negative opinion
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Without appreciation even eager “favor doers ” will eventually trickle down their willingness to lend a hand, will start to cut corners at work and eventually start to avoid families, friendships and coworkers who “only want something from them”. This is because once people feel under appreciated they no longer feel motivated to participated in the needs of others. It’s a simple but necessary reward system.
One solution: Restructure how you process the request for help. I often teach my clients to tease apart their observations and how they process/assess that information that feeds their reactions. Observation–>Assessment Style–>Reaction
Michelle’s automatic style of thinking was to observe Lisa’s emails as “she NEEDS me” rather than ” Lisa is asking for help”. The second assessment strategy allows her to feel in control because she can process it as “I have a choice in whether I assist or not”. The first point of view (“she needs me”) led her to process it under ” I feel forced and obligated. I am a bad sister if I don’t give her what she needs”.
Automatic thoughts are the thoughts and images that involuntarily pop into our conscious (or just below if they are habitual). They make up how we “read” a situation and are assumed to be “True” at the time they are generated. Reactive behavior is based on automatic thinking.Understanding your automatic thoughts can influence change in a variety of situations.
So should we we bother to set resolutions and reflect on the past if it will only put us in a bad mood ?
Well on the flip side, if done correctly, reflecting on the past and setting intentions for the future does hold a lot of psychological value and research supports that it CAN help us feel more satisfied and motivated. Yeah 🙂